what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
