8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
