Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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