Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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