What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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