Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Randomize
