You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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