its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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