Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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