lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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