Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
