singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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