i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
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So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
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I have feelings that need drinking.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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