Where are you?
In a non slutty way
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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