another moral hangover. fuck.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize