WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
