Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
