Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
