You just made me feel so damn special
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
