Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
