I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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