the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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