he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
