Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
