is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
