I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
