i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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