Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
