Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
