Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
