and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
