tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
