dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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