My brain says no but my pants say off.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
