wrigley field is MILF paradise
She said her name was "party"
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
