so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
