Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
