if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
