I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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