i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
