Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
