Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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