He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
