My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
