Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
they're like a gay fantastic four
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
