Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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