Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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