Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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