I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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