Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
