I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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