Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
