No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
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