Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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