Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
