there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
