Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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