It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
