the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
