I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
