How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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