Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
