I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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