dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
