Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
