Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
