found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
3pm strippers are depressing
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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