I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
