You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
