I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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