last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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