After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just found puke in my bra..
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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